I gave myself a C.

I was brushing my teeth when I decided my year wasn't going well.

My goals are on my bathroom wall. If you've been reading for a while, you already know that. I have four categories: personal, health, business, and relationships. I read them every morning while I brush my teeth, and most mornings I don't think much about them.

That morning I did. The night before, my husband and I had been talking about the economy and things slowing down. I went to bed with that conversation still on my mind. I looked at the wall the next morning and thought, hmm, not going so well.

I didn't stop to check whether it was true. I graded the whole year before I finished brushing my teeth.

Health is where I'm doing the best. I've been going to the gym and walking consistently for more than three years, and I've kept it up this year. Personal and relationships are good. Business I would give a C.

The C is the grade I saw that morning. One category out of four decided how I felt about the entire year.

I know better than that. Helping leaders set realistic goals and track progress is part of my job. I've watched plenty of people focus on the one number that's off while everything around it is working. I still walked out of the bathroom feeling behind.

The wall only holds what I knew to write down in January. This year I got certified in behavioral assessments and added a new service offering to my business. I also got accepted into a leadership program, which has put me in retreats and study groups in strangers' homes, further outside my comfort zone than anything on my list. 

None of it shows up on the report card, because the report card was printed before any of it existed.

A few days later I asked myself what I would say if a client or friend showed me my exact year. Strong health, steady personal and relationships, a C in business, and a new service they never planned for.

I would give them a B without hesitating.

I would tell them what I didn't tell myself. The business goals weren't realistic. I set my goals aggressive on purpose. A little out of reach, well maybe a lot. Then I treated falling short like I had failed. I would have pointed that out to a client. But I didn't give myself that grace.

Years ago I came across a research paper whose title sums it up: Bad Is Stronger Than Good. The researchers found that a bad experience carries more weight than a good one of the same size. That's what the C did to me. It outweighed a year of good work in the other three categories.

I was holding myself to a curve I would never put on anyone else.

Last week I had coffee with a business owner in her first year. We were catching up on how things were going. She told me she was convinced it wasn't going well. It had been a hard year, and she was frustrated with herself.

So I told her how much I made in my first year in business.

She was shocked. She thought about it for a second and said, "Well then I think I'm doing great." I told her, "Yes, you are. Keep going."

She had been grading herself against a number she made up, and the first real number she heard changed her grade. I gave her what I hadn't given myself that morning in the bathroom.

This is the time of year when the list comes back out and you start counting what's left. Before you grade your year, read your list the way you would read a friend's. Look for the goal that was never realistic and call it that. Look for what you're doing well that isn't on the list, because you didn't know about it when you made the list.

What are you doing well right now that never made it onto your list?

Hit reply and tell me. 

Until next Tuesday.
Ceaneh