I was the bottleneck.

A friend called me a few weeks ago. She had been job searching for months with no traction. We got on a zoom to discuss her current approach and build a new plan. What she was doing. What wasn't converting. How to build an actual strategy instead of just applying on LinkedIn and waiting.

Midway through the conversation she stopped and said: “I wish I could be as positive as you.”

I looked up and said: “You can be.”

I didn't say it to encourage her. I said it because I meant it.

Things are not always going my way. I have proposals that stall. Weeks where nothing converts. I know that feeling. I sit in it sometimes.

But at some point I stopped asking what was wrong with the situation and started asking what was wrong with my approach. Those are two different questions. One keeps you stuck. The other moves you.

I told her: “once I realized I was the bottleneck, things started changing. Because what you search for is what you will find.”

She went quiet. Then she replied, “I never thought about it that way.”

A few weeks ago I was pricing out a new service offering. I built the financial model. I ran the numbers. The final number on the spreadsheet was bigger than anything I had proposed before.

And it scared me.

So I kept working. More research. Benchmarking. Asking around. I told myself I was being thorough.

I wasn't being thorough. I was looking for proof to justify my value.

I already had the answer. I built it. What I was actually doing was searching for permission to believe it.

I was the bottleneck. 

Not the market. Not the timing. Me. Standing between myself and the number I had already calculated.

My friend was applying for jobs every day and calling it a strategy. I was researching pricing data I already had and calling it due diligence.

Different problems. Same mechanic.

She needed to stop waiting for applications to convert and start getting in front of people. I needed to stop collecting data I didn't need and send the proposal.

We were both working hard. We were both the problem.

There’s a name for this: self-handicapping. It’s what happens when we create or point to an obstacle before the outcome is known, so we have something to blame if we don’t follow through. The research. The preparation. The benchmarking. The waiting for more clarity.

All of it can look responsible from the outside. And sometimes it is. But sometimes, it is protection dressed up as preparation.

The work becomes the shield.

Name the thing you already know the answer to.

Not the thing you’re still figuring out. The thing you’ve been researching, revisiting, preparing for, benchmarking, asking about.

The one where, if you’re honest, you already know. Then ask yourself one question:

Am I looking for information, or am I looking for permission?

Because those are not the same.

Information helps you decide. Permission lets you delay.

And if what you’re really looking for is permission, then the bottleneck may not be the timing, the market, the plan, or the proof.

It may be you.

Until next Tuesday.
Ceaneh